What Our Negative Communications Are Really Saying

by Barbara

Public phone

Do you find yourself in relationships and situations where you are arguing, complaining, judging and feeling awful while engaged in this form of negative communication?  Do you want to change your relationships and negative situations? You can.

First, you must look at what the relationship is all about. Are you committed in helping each other grow? Do you want to know the hidden message behind the messaging?

Years ago, I met a woman who helped me understand that we humans play roles for each other. Before coming to the planet, we, as souls, agreed to help one another work out karma, learn about love and loving ourselves, stand up for ourselves by speaking our truth, and many more projects and lessons. In turn, we agreed to do the same for them and others. We play roles for one another. At times, we are the brother, the sister, the parent, the spouse, the significant other, the neighbor, the co-worker, the friend, the stranger on the street, the person on the wrong number dialed phone call, the bill collector, the doctor, the nurse, the vet, and the roles are many. We play these roles to help one another.

In some roles we are loving and nurturing. In other roles we are the negative and complaining one. Sometimes we play a role to get the other person to perform an action for their highest and greatest good. For example, when I was married to my second husband, he would not support my becoming an angel communicator and offering my intuitive gifts in service for others. Every chance presented, he would yell at me for not meeting his unspoken expectations about something. I took it personal and felt awful. I didn’t know about not taking the spoken word not personally. It hurt deep inside of me.

I then learned my ex-husband was really trying to help me stand up for myself and not take his verbal abuse anymore. It’s perfectly okay for us to walk out of a room when our loved one is screaming at us. It’s okay to hang up the phone when the person on the other side of the line is speaking abusive words and thoughts to you. We don’t have to stay in that frequency.

Looking deeper into the abusive communication, we see the person is really speaking about their pain. Their pain is our pain. As we dig a little bit more, we realize the other person is sacrificing their natural loving and positive state of being, so that we get the message to act. The action my ex-husband was trying to get me to perform was me standing up for myself, speaking my truth, and stepping out of the marriage to live and work on my own as an angel communicator and channel for God’s grace. When I saw the abusive behavior from this perspective, I understood the divorce would be a grand act of love for both of us. For me, it would be my freedom to be who I am. For him, it would be the fulfillment of the contract we made before we came to the planet. He truly helped me on a spiritual and physical level. Although I still loved him, I knew I had to leave.

Because I understood the dynamics of the behavior on a spiritual level, it was my responsibility to walk through the divorce proceedings with love, honor, respect, and compassion. There was nothing to forgive, because we just played our roles. The divorce was simple and easy. To this day, we remain mutual friends. I continue to hold the highest regard for my ex-husband in all that he is and his contributions to humanity.

Not every negative communication is about ending a marriage in divorce. We do have the opportunity to look deeper into the roles we play for one another and to find the hidden message is about love and helping each other. Can we see the negative communication for what it is? Can we change our perspective from a personal one to the bigger picture of creating more love on the planet by changing and improving our relationships and situations?

Blessings and joy!

Barbara Becker

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Alexandra McAllister

Thank you for sharing your story, Barbara. It is incredible that you could walk through the divorce proceedings with love, honor, respect and compassion! Bless you!

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Explode Your Business ONLINE @Norma Doiron

"It’s perfectly okay for us to walk out of a room when our loved one is screaming at us. It’s okay to hang up the phone when the person on the other side of the line is speaking abusive words and thoughts to you. We don’t have to stay in that frequency." That's the one for me. We are taught to be nice to everyone, not rude, yada, yada. But what we are not told is how to respect ourselves because ALL out there are not nice! 🙂 Great post, loved your tips. 

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Barbara

Yes, Norma, and in that moment, as we are walking out of the room, we must remember it’s none of our business what someone thinks of us. This action takes great courage, strength and Self Love. In this moment, we are choosing God/Creator Source.

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Oluwaseun Babajide

Wonderful story Barbara. Not easy to walk through divorce, the emotion that comes with that is not easy.
Seun.
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Lisa McMahon

"It’s okay to hang up the phone when the person on the other side of the line is speaking abusive words and thoughts to you." Sometimes it just takes someone like you to give us permission to act as we should for change to happen in our lives. Thank you!

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Kathy Robinson

It took me a long time to realize that if my partner was angry it was his problem, not mine. I love remembering that now. If I encounter someone who berates me either in person or on the phone, I just don't respond, don't take the bait. They soon run out of steam. It's a great feeling.

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tomholmberg378799134

Thanks for sharing your personal story Barbara, I really admire that you kept your head up and saw the larger picture of your divorce. 

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MamaRed

Boy, this week's posts are such gifts to me, especially as someone walking through a divorce and dealing with the anger, hurt, sadness, grief and, yes, guilt. I didn't realize till very recently that I had lived in an abusive relationship for the last several years…although it was one of those where it was so subtle that it was hard to see from the insider of it. Thanks for the reminder that it is part of the process of the agreements we made on the other side! 

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Barbara

Yes, MamaRed, somehow God places a person in our life to help us understand our relationships and experiences in a different light. We are blessed to have all of these experiences to help us become who we already are!

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Carolyn Hughes

I admire how you were able to respect both yourself and your husband enough to divorce in such a positive way. It takes a lot of insight to be able to see past the anger and see the pain. I wish you lots of happiness in the future Barbara.

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Sherie

Barbara, your story really touched my heart. How amazing that you had the insight to discover those underlying messages and to walk out of the marriage with dignity and respect…in such a way that you honored both of you. Bravo, my friend!
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Daniele Holmberg

I love your breakdown of how at different times in our lives we play different  roles as human beings. This is really awesome because it gives us the opportunity to see different scenarios in different lights. I am so happy to hear you got away from the verbally abusive ex husband! You are way too positive for that:)

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Joanne

Beautifully written and expressed! It's not easy to find the good, or the lesson in a bad situation – but it's there if we look for it. 🙂 
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Pat Moon

You are right, we do take on many roles throughout our lifetime in order to be who we need to be to those we love and associate with. I trust God to guide me through those situations.

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Moira Hutchison

Thanks for sharing this wonderful story about yourself… I can really relate to the piece you talked about here with your second husband — I had an experience like that too… It took me a while to really see the gift of an abusive relationship but now I really get the valuable lessons in learning to stand in my power and walk to the beat of my own drum.

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Barbara

How wonderful you see the gift too, Moira. Thank you for sharing.

Barbara

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Robin

Barbara, this is beautifully written. It takes great courage to be so transparent and share an experience like you went through. It does take a great deal of insight and courage to get through the pain. I wish you every happiness.

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Barbara

Yes, Robin, it took courage to share my story in my autobiography that was published last November. And now, that I’m performing group healing events, I’m sharing even more, so that others will be able to realize they are loved no matter what. Thank you for your blessing of happiness! I wish the same for you.

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Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com

What an incredible story. 
It took me decades and a lot of self-discovery work to finally understand it was OK to walk away, that "No" was a complete sentence, and that I didn't have to have another's approval or agreement in order to be right or to validate my feelings. Period. It was a wonderful break-through to be sure. Thanks for this inspirational post.

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Sharon O'Day

In any relationship, it's fascinating to look at the roles each party plays.  Instigator, inspirer, foil.   The list goes on and on.  What did me the most good decades ago was to realize that when I heard anger or negative vibes coming from another person, it was about them and not me.  That was so liberating!  😉

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